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latierradelafelicidad2012-04-04 01:46 pm
schemingly) wrote in latierradelafelicidad2012-04-04 01:46 pm
Entry tags:
Sora tries to fix his relationship with Ienzo, take 2.
[Sometimes, looking back, he wondered why he had stopped them from properly murdering Sora that time.
He remembered being tired of revenge ploys, and from trying to feel hatred so hard.
But that was still not an excuse.
He had no sympathy for that man, none at all. Or so he liked to think.
He liked to think that it happened because he was disgusted by the idea of Sora managing to worm his way into his heart again. Or whatever was left of it.
But he really wasn't.
Still, it was all pointless thoughts that would change nothing. Sora was fortunately too busy trying to fix whatever was left of himself and whatever was left of the man who was not quite Xehanort.
And Ienzo was too busy trying to fix all the damaged people around him. At least they could be fixed.
So he was fine.
Right?]
[OOC: SO, it's the first time they meet since Ienzo stopped everyone from murdering Sora? I'LL BE USING ALL MY ZEXION/IENZOS ACCOUNTSES. COME AT ME, TSU XD]
He remembered being tired of revenge ploys, and from trying to feel hatred so hard.
But that was still not an excuse.
He had no sympathy for that man, none at all. Or so he liked to think.
He liked to think that it happened because he was disgusted by the idea of Sora managing to worm his way into his heart again. Or whatever was left of it.
But he really wasn't.
Still, it was all pointless thoughts that would change nothing. Sora was fortunately too busy trying to fix whatever was left of himself and whatever was left of the man who was not quite Xehanort.
And Ienzo was too busy trying to fix all the damaged people around him. At least they could be fixed.
So he was fine.
Right?]
[OOC: SO, it's the first time they meet since Ienzo stopped everyone from murdering Sora? I'LL BE USING ALL MY ZEXION/IENZOS ACCOUNTSES. COME AT ME, TSU XD]
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I'm organizing everything, I will share it once it is done.
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I needed Leif and a place to work in, you've provided both.
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I don't feel it's enough. [It will never be enough.]
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We may work to get things fixed, we may try to solve things, to help others... We may work until every bit of our life force is gone, and it will still not be enough.
The harm we did will never be undone. So the only thing we can do, is do what we can.
1/2
[To say he's surprised is an understatement. For a second, just one second, he could almost see his own face--no. Riku's face.
Kairi's face.
Donald. Goofy. The King.
It hurt...]
2/3 sorry.
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Like when you cut and the cut heals, but if you touch it it still hurts? The way.... the way it's just telling you "hey, be more careful. Remember how it aches" kind of pain.
The harm will never be undone. He knows that. He has thought about that every single day for long years. Maybe... he just needed to think more in the next part of the sentence.
Didn't he tell Terra the same thing?]
...yeah. You're right. It doesn't matter if it's small or big. If it's easy or difficult. The important thing is that you put your heart on it, and keep trying no matter what.
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When one decides to live when they could die, then the least they can do is move on. Otherwise, you would be no more than a waste of space, a useless heart.
Create from what was destroyed. Begin anew from the ashes of your old life. Or at least, if living your life is not what you want, leave something lasting for the ones that will come after you. Even if that something is small.
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...Thank you, Ienzo. I know I still have a long way, it's just that this time I'll walk it on my own. If this road brings me together with all of you, then I'll keep you all close to my heart, whether you care or not, whether you trust me again or not. I will care, and I will trust....
I want to live. No... I will live. Because I know the only way I can mend what I broke is by facing it, not by hiding away.
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[Oh my, is that trust? XD]
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... [Looks at his hand... it's roughened by the roofwork these days.
Finally, heart takes over mind.
"Heh heh... I don't know why."
A wide smile. Sincere smile. And his hand, warm feelings in the cold winter.
"Friends?"
He offers his hand to Ienzo, smiling.]
Friends?
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He does remember that day. He quite liked to repeat it in his mind when he was a nobody, to fuel his false hatred. Yet, when he thinks of it right now, it feels as if everything had happened to another person.
A boy, with a whole heart, a heart that preferred to stay hidden in fear of being hurt again.
And that boy... He was gone. He had been gone for years. So thinking of him, of his story, was pointless. At least the rests of Ienzo's heart could tell "pointless" much faster than his complete heart had been able to.]
Ashes is all you will find here. I don't have the strength or the intention to reach for a true new beginning. Whatever happens, it will be only wind blowing the ashes away.
Knowing that, can you still offer your hand?
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You're wrong. It's not that I don't know about it. I... I know very well about those ashes. But it's not about me, Ienzo. Right now, this is about you. [His hand has not moved, not an inch.]
Do you want to take this offer?
S-sob, Sora, don't forget that the dude is still insane? xD
When I was a nobody, I had nothing, I felt the lack of something whenever I reached for it, when I wanted to hate, to love, to do anything, I reached and touched nothing.
[****THREADING ON THIN ICE****]
But now, as a human, is as if my heart were a shattered mirror... And whenever I reach for anything, I have to find it among infinite other pieces.
Sometimes, the piece I want is not even there, and I touch that familiar nothingness... But when I find one, and I reach, I touch broken glass and whatever I was reaching for is forgotten among the pain.
[A small chuckle. It's been a while since he last tl;dr'd at someone who was not Lexaeus ok.]
I won't reach for it. Not unless it fixes itself. Not unless there is no other way...
So don't ask me what I want. Not in that way, not ever.
fbjfsabjfsjbsafjbksaf
He did something wrong again. It's the same feeling once and once and once again...]
I... I understand.
[...but he promised, didn't he? He may be terrified of what his heart still hides, but it's a different kind of fear.
Ironic... how Ienzo's own words from moments ago are what gives him strenght to smile again. He won't give up. No matter how difficult. No matter how painful.
He owes him.]
Apparently I still suck when choosing my words, sorry... No matter what your decision is, I will be your friend. Don't worry about reaching for the pieces. You won't need to do that with me. I will be here no matter what.
|D forever xD
I just wanted you to know where I was standing, so you wouldn't be surprised. You've suffered enough as it is.
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It's... reassuring.
[It reminds me he's not a monster. Sighs deeply once again, taking the ladder.]
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Sora.
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[Turning around, picking up Leif, closing the door now xD]
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